Wednesday, January 15, 2014

A Disappointment

I've had something on my mind lately.  I've been thinking back to high school. (Yikes, right?) Actually, I loved high school.  Both socially and academically I thrived.  Due to my competitive spirit, I worked very hard to excel in all my classes.  I studied hard for the ACT and retook it until I was proud of my score.  I surrounded myself with friends who had similar ambitious natures and we pushed each other to the top of our class.  When I graduated, I could tell many of the teachers I had befriended expected great things from me.  Similarly, I expected my friends to go to college and excel just as they had done in high school.  I knew they would achieve their various degrees and go on to have impressive careers. And I was proud of them! I know they felt the same way towards me.

But I had a secret. I didn't want some big important job.  Ever since I was little, I dreamed of starting a family.

Fast forward three years, one marriage, and one beautiful daughter later.  I can't shake the feeling that I have disappointed those teachers and friends. 

After my now husband proposed to me during my first semester of college, I changed my career path to something I knew would be flexible enough to allow me time to be a mother.  It's not impressive. But it's something. And more importantly, I enjoy it.

Six months into our marriage, I found out I was pregnant.  Nine months later, I am holding the most beautiful baby I have ever seen. 

Now that's impressive.

I have difficulty relating to those friends now.  Some I haven't heard from since I got married.  I don't blame them.  Life happens. And it happens at a different rate for all of us. I know someday those friends will start families of their own and it will be their turn to post endless pictures of their adorable children on Facebook. And they will understand. 

So to all those who are confused by the simple life I have chosen, please don't be disappointed in me. Please know that I am living my dream.  And thanks to my husband and daughter, I am the best, happiest, most selfless person I have ever been.

And the best part is - this is just the beginning!